Some years ago there was a brilliant guy who commited suicide. He was building a revolutionary, low cost sustainable housing development in the UK. My friend had bought into it, and one day we were hanging out in his future apartment that was almost finished, imagining life together - as I would also be moving in.
Yet that future never arrived because the developer killed himself. He realised he could not fulfil his promises. He had underestimated the costs involved, and the pressure became too much. Rather than face disappointing the expectations of others, he ended his life.
Most people in their lifetimes experience pressure and overwhelm. Yet, when building a village - of any kind, the pressure from all sides can seem insurmountable.
There is pressure coming from lawyers, from local authorities, from lenders, from every team lead and advisor, from the sheer insurmountable tasks and complexity of such an endeavour, and last but not least from community members. And unfortunately all those voices conflict with one another and collide in only one place: those holding everything together.
Every opinion and expectation is a form of pressure. And each person can only perceive their own position. Yet the person holding everything together is receiving all inputs simultaneously, and is expected to respond graciously every time, with an integrated solution, and endless patience.
It’s a relentless melting pot that stands little chance of sustainability.
Throughout my community exploration years I’ve seen repeated patterns of founders being truly worn down by the journey. Regardless of their approach and their personality, there is a kind of heartbreak that can be witnessed.
Feeling the weight of the responsibility, often being misjudged and projected upon, often feeling unsupported or undervalued, often drained from having the same conversations over and over again.
Many ecovillage founders hide in their homes for peace because every person they encounter when they leave their house wants something from them; some advice, to ask questions, to test an idea, to complain about something, or ask for something.
Some founders - including some of the sweetest, kindest people I’ve ever known - gave up their involvement in their community because those who never had the power of being a founder of something were always hungry for it, always resentful and ready to tear things down, and so they just handed it over to them, because for them it was never about power.
A friend of mine, a well known and loved celebrity, tried to build a completely egalitarian community some years ago. He believed in total equality after living with tribes from around the world and experiencing one of the only few tribes left on this planet in which absolutely zero power dynamics exist.
He had the money to buy a beautiful property and land and was willing to completely hand over all ownership of it - as well as all his personal money and belongings - into a community reality where everyone shares everything regardless of what they have.
Despite how dearly loved he is, no one wanted to join him. His rich friends weren’t interested. His poor friends also weren’t interested - they were still trying to build something, own something, become something. Their sense of self-identity and worth were still too calibrated to a system of self-earned status and ownership to let that go.
He tried and tried, and it broke his heart for some years. Eventually he let the dream go and moved on.
Why is it like this?
It seems that no matter the approach a founder takes, he or she meets unfathomable challenge and resistance on the journey. Why is this so?
The answer is clear and resounding, and circles back to the need for such projects in the first place. We live in a sick society. The imbalances have worked deeply into every system - including our consciousness and neural wiring.
We know the system is completely poisoned and designed to hijack our life force energy. That is increasingly visible, now in the full light of day; no one can deny it anymore. What is still relatively in the shadows is the extent to which human consciousness and nervous systems have been already hijacked - and need true healing (what Neos is precisely in service to).
When someone dares to step forward, summoning all the empowerment and faith they can find within their hearts, and risk themselves to undertake something magnificent, something that will really move the needle in the wider picture of the world, there are some people that will recognise the true meaning of this undertaking and run towards that person to support it. Yet there are many, others, who will bring a counter force of resistance.
Resistance shows up in multiple ways, both overtly and covertly, and it always stems from lack.
But the question above isn’t the only question to ask.
What about the responsibility and shadow of the founders? In all of the above cases, the founders have been genuinely beautiful souls (shadows of course still exist) - but that’s not to say there aren’t other founders with more pronounced demons.
The key question is what drives a person to found a village in the first place? Having a vision is one thing. Wanting to correct something in society and make a stand for something better is shared by many. But to actually set out to do it within the limitations of our 3D world is rare.
It takes a certain kind of consciousness, that whilst having no idea what is coming, is willing to endure it. They are willing to take the risk. Willing to face the pressure and be tested to the edge - because it’s the higher path than means more than any alternative life. Most people do not make this choice and for this reason there is a very real gap of understanding which makes it a rather lonely path even when surrounded by people.
In my opinion, while there is every reason to not build a village - or for that matter build or start anything truly significant - there are much better reasons for why more people should, and I believe, will, when their capacity for consciousness increases - because it’s what we’re all truly here for.
We were never here for comfort or security. These things are illusions that will destroy us just as easily. So whether it’s climbing Mount Everest, starting a not-for-profit in Africa, or building a visionary village, the journey can feel like it’s killing you, and sometimes it does. But it is worth it, when something is being born - in you, in others, or in the world, that irrecoverably changes life for the better.
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Invitation to join our next retreat
Neos Experience - 9-13 September - Early bird rate til 31 July!
Our last retreat was sold out, and most participants wanted to stay longer, so we have extended the Neos Experience now to four nights, and offer an Early Bird rate to book your place before the end of July!
These multi-day experiences are designed to bring a balance of transformation, deep connection with land and people, inspiration and insight, whilst providing spaciousness to feel, relax and allow emergence to unfold.
Each experience so far has felt very unique and very special. We send our love and appreciation to each participant who joined and became part of the family.
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The retreat was a truly special experience. You have created something very unique and I feel grateful to have been part of it, even for a short time. I left with beautiful memories and a deep appreciation for the vision behind Neos. Thank you for your kindness, generosity and for making everyone feel so welcome. With love and gratitude, Dorit
Neos Life experience has turned out to be a sacred portal to my new way of being. Before coming here I had no clue what my soul is up to. I just followed its calling. During these days I had so many incredible and healing teachings on-the-go my mind could hardly grasp. Every living being I met here was meant to be met. I’m grateful beyond words. And now I am deeply aware of - when you let go, you get everything beyond your imagination. - Inka
As always, sending our love and appreciation to following and supporting our journey and this project,
Karen and Vincent
Hi Karen, I enjoyed reading your post. I've briefly tried to build intentional community myself and can only imagine what it feels like for you guys...
I think the reason why it's so hard to build a village is not just bc we live in a sick society. There are many many reasons.... A deeper question, for me, is: why did we create this society in the first place, which part of us, what can we learn from that? A society which is sick in many ways, yes, i agree. I just moved to the city again and feel the alienation in the air. the main messages being communicated: consume consume consume, make money, change yourself, you are not good enough as you are...
And that same society, with all its flaws, so big we are now approaching (i think) its collapse, also provided us with levels of comfort our ancestors could'nt dream of.... i cannot imagine myself independently from this society: i grew up with cars, tv, phones, the internet, takeaway food, nuclear family... My whole personality was formed within this society...
What if we separated from nature in the first place bc we felt so powerless, so small, bc life was tough...? What if this too is part of some larger unfolding that was meant to happen?
I have this insight when there's some sort of accident. Someone is injured from a car accident in the highway. Again, with all its flaws, we also built a society that is capable of offering a solution to that: ambulance, public hospitals (in europe), people who care and call the emergency number....
And what about hero's journeys? the more i live, the more i believe we all come here with specific vocations. there's values we can't help but embody. work we feel called to do. is it really accurate to ignore these vocations to pursue what some of us find more virtuous missions of building villages? how can we know? how can we discern between our individualistic conditionings and genuine callings, when we grow up in the west?
On another note, what do you mean by "when their capacity for consciousness increases"? i think more people don't found villages or other projects, not necessarily because their consciousness lacks that capacity, but often because of structural inequality, lack of privilege.... or, again, because its not their vocation.
I also dont think its possible to create societies without power dynamics. even if everyone earns the same, some people are naturally more intelligent than others, more proactive, more beautiful whatever the beauty standards are in that tribe, etc. I don't think the goal should even be to extinguish power dynamics, only to be more aware of them, and honest, responsible and accountable for the power we do hold.
I agree with you that many "followers" are envious of founders and that is no fun position to be in. I also think many of us too often give our power away to leaders, founders, gurus. I think this is part of the problem. that is what our system has taught us too...
I read a helpful article from the wiser Parker Palmer about community, power, etc. He challenges the very idea of attempting to build community:
"When we treat community as a product that we must manufacture instead of a gift we have been given, it will elude us eternally. " https://couragerenewal.org/library/thirteen-ways-of-looking-at-community/
Last thing, I tend to think that most founders or leaders are, consciously or unconsciously, attracted to power. I observe that attraction in myself as a leader. I think one needs to get some sort of satisfaction out of leadership, otherwise the cost would be too high... I don't think all power is bad.... i think its more about empowering one other, and knowing when to be in power, and when to step back.
Some questions for founders in my mind: How would you like to be supported by those around you? What are your own shadows? Where are you not fully in integrity? When is your power at the service of others, when is it not? How could others grow more into their own power?
I believe many of us have seen this at play, in different shapes, forms and places:
"Throughout my community exploration years I’ve seen repeated patterns of founders being truly worn down by the journey. Regardless of their approach and their personality, there is a kind of heartbreak that can be witnessed.
Feeling the weight of the responsibility, often being misjudged and projected upon, often feeling unsupported or undervalued, often drained from having the same conversations over and over again."
I'd be curious to hear and read more about how you are 'preventing' this at NEOS, how you keep on expanding your capacity as founders, and what type of support you'd truly need, and desire.
Not as an expectation for this to be answered, just a desire to follow this journey more deeply
;-).
much Love!